


come stick with me

by kihyunskitten



Series: just another boy [2]
Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Easter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Holidays, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Self-Discovery, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, i have no idea how to tag this, mentions of boners ?, more comfort than hurt since i cant stand to see hanbin sad, trans girl jinhwan is an angel and trans boy hanbin is a cutie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-31 22:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6489397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyunskitten/pseuds/kihyunskitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jinhwan is beautiful and clever, and Hanbin is in way over his head. (Or so he thinks.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is a continuation from my part one of this series (which i suggest you read for some backstory on hanbin, but i think you'll be able to follow along on this if you haven't read that) again, using he/him pronouns for hanbin bc hes a trans boy in this even if he doesn't know it (because changing pronouns partway through a fic is sort of awkward to me)
> 
> dmab trans girl femme presenting jinhwan in this fic, and dfab unknowingly in the closet trans boy hanbin in this fic. basically all your faves are trans and i am never going to be sorry about it

In Hanbin's junior year, a girl transfers into his class. She's beautiful. Petite with long wavy blonde hair and beautiful pearl earrings. She looks like she walked out of an ad for some fancy perfume that cost more than Hanbin's house. Her name is Jinhwan.

At lunch, Hanbin is sitting with his friends when Dohee (a friend since middle school, incredibly sweet and beautiful) comes over, tugging Jinhwan along by the arm. The girl is smiling and giggling along with Dohee.

"Well Jinhwan, these are the girls," she gestures to the table. Hanbin doesn't know why he has to keep from flinching. "There's Euijin, Yoonsun, Nahyun, Hanbin, and I think Eunae is absent." Her voice goes up at the end of sentence as if it's a question and she looks to Euijin, who nods. "Yep! Definitely absent. Euijin has homeroom with her."

Jinhwan smiles sweetly, her eyes sweeping over the girls at the table and stopping at Hanbin. He hunches his shoulders in reaction, but Jinhwan takes the seat directly across from him, usually reserved for Eunae.

Hanbin belatedly realizes he's the only one who didn't say hi when Dohee was introducing them. He suddenly feels like an idiot but knows it's too late now. Looking down, Hanbin decides the cafeteria table is interesting.

"I like your hair."

The statement makes Hanbin's head shoot up, looking at Jinhwan across from him where she's smiling. He runs a hand through his short hair, stopping to scratch the back of his neck. "I, um. Thank you. You're really pretty." It slips out, and Hanbin would regret being so forward if it weren't for Jinhwan's genuine smile. It isn't a lie, she is _really_  pretty. 

"Her old hair was nice too," Euijin says around a mouthful of food, "I liked braiding it. But she looks a lot happier now." She shoots an encouraging smile and thumbs up to Hanbin. 

He gives her a half smile, not sure why he can't bring himself to smile completely.

They find out through conversation that Jinhwan is actually older than Hanbin, but she's in his class because she missed school for 'personal reasons.' Nahyun doesn't pry. Hanbin stays silent the entire time, despite Jinhwan's periodic glances towards him.

"Don't worry about her," Nahyun giggles, "Hanbin is just quiet. Especially around new people."

"That's fine!" Jinhwan smiles. "I hope you'll warm up to me since we're in the same class." 

"Thank you," Hanbin murmurs quietly, barely audible over the white noise of the cafeteria conversations around them.

-

They don't see Jinhwan in the changing room for gym. Hanbin thought she might have left early but she was out on the field with the rest of them when the bell rang. Thankfully, Euijin asks, being blunt the way she is. Sometimes Hanbin hates it, but right now he's thankful.

Jinhwan blushes, saying she had lost her way in the halls and had to change in the bathroom instead. But they don't see her after gym in the changing room either.

"Maybe she's self conscious," Dohee speculates as she puts on deodorant. Hanbin doesn't think Jinhwan has much to be self conscious about, judging by the little bit of soft tummy that was exposed when they did jumping jacks. Not that Hanbin was looking.

-

It doesn't take long for Hanbin to warm up to Jinhwan. She's all sweet smiles and sugary perfume. Whenever Hanbin mutters something under his breath that's meant to only be a joke for himself, Jinhwan laughs loud and open and honest. 

After a few months, they become inseparable, always cracking bad jokes and laughing loudly together. Close enough that Hanbin is no longer nervous about asking, "Why don't you change with us during gym?"

They're in Hanbin's room on his bed, books open in the guise of studying. He likes hanging out with her, just the two of them. They can share comfortable silences or talk about anything.

Jinhwan bites her lip at the question, looking down at her lap. "I just, I'm not comfortable with it." 

"Oh," Hanbin is surprised by the shyness in the answer. He was expecting some sort of joke, a sweet smile accompanied with an avoidant answer. "What, what makes you uncomfortable about it? If you're okay with me asking?"

Shifting in her position, Jinhwan twiddles her thumbs. "I-I don't know if you guys would still like me if I changed with you."

Hanbin rolls his eyes, "Come on, do you think we're that shallow? We don't care about your body. If you have a third arm or something Eunae would probably think it's awesome," he laughs, trying to lighten the mood. Jinhwan just looks uncomfortable, so his smile falls. "I'm sorry, do you not wanna talk about it?" 

"No, I just," Jinhwan huffs and pauses, restarting the sentence. "Can I tell you something? You have to promise to not freak out and _promise_  not to tell anyone okay?" 

The fear in Jinhwan's eyes is unsettling, as if Hanbin would stop being friends with her because of this. He thinks twice before answering.

"Yeah, yeah you can tell me Jinhwan." 

Jinhwan takes a deep breath, as if she's about to start something she had rehearsed. "Ok, so I'm a girl. You know that right?" Hanbin nods, of course he knows. Where is Jinhwan going with this? "Well, some girls, girls like me, weren't always known as girls. We feel like a girl and _know_  that we're girls, but everyone thinks we're boys since we're born a certain way."

Hanbin scrunches up his eyebrows. "I don't get it, how were you born that people don't think you're a girl?"

Jinhwan bites her lip, "It's easier if I show you." She starts lifting her shirt, and Hanbin jumps back, red rising on his cheeks. 

"Jinhwan, what are you-"

"Just, hear me out," Jinhwan says as she throws her shirt to the side, gesturing to her chest. Hanbin's eyes trail down, his face bright red.

His eyes narrow, Jinhwan's bra had inserts in them that weren't attached to her chest. "So you don't have boobs?" 

"I don't have boobs."

Hanbin furrows his brow, "So what? You were just like, born and never developed?"

"No Hanbin I," she sighs, her face scrunching up cutely. "I have like, a dick. I don't have boobs. The term is 'designated male at birth.' Like, everyone thought I was a guy but _I_  know that I'm not. I know I'm a girl."

"Oh," Hanbin says dumbly. _Oh_. Everything is slotting into place in his head. Everything is going so fast in his mind that he almost falls over. "Is, is that a thing for people who like, feel like they're guys?" There's a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Yeah of course! And it's not just girls or boys, like you can identify as anything. There are more than two genders but, this is probably a lot to take in I'll just," she picks up her shirt and slips it back on, moving to stand.

"No, wait," Hanbin pleads, lightly grabbing her wrist. "I-I'm so sorry but I, I need to know. It's possible to be," he has to think about the words, "designated a girl at birth and, and not be one?"

"Well, yeah," Jinhwan looks confused. "Hanbin are, are you okay?"

It's then he realizes that he's crying. His cheeks are wet and he can't breathe because he _knows_. He's always known, but now he understands. He gets it and he can't help himself from pulling Jinhwan into a hug, and she squeals.

"Hanbin? What are you-"

"I'm a guy, Jinhwan," he says, pulling back to look up at her as he smiles. "You, oh my god I didn't even know this is something that even existed. I, holy shit." He gasps, falling back on his bed, Jinhwan tumbling on top of him. Blushing, Hanbin realizes how close they are. "I could kiss you," he says without thinking, making Jinhwan scrunch up her face.

"That's not just because you're a boy and I'm a girl right? That's heteronormative Hanbin."

"I have no idea what the fuck that means," Hanbin smiles, too elated to be worried about anything.

"I can give you a crash course later," Jinhwan giggles, her hair falling forward and tickling Hanbin's cheeks.

-

They spend the night cuddling, textbooks haphazardly pushed off the bed as Jinhwan educates Hanbin. She doesn't seem bothered by all the questions, more than happy to talk to someone about it openly.

"And then there's not just gender, there's sexuality. They aren't really related to each other all that much. As in, you don't have to be a certain sexuality because you're a certain gender, or vice versa. Granted, you don't need to label everything but it's nice knowing that there are labels for you out there if you want one," she continues, snuggled up to Hanbin's chest with their legs tangled together.

Hanbin scrunches up his face. "I-I never really thought about it? I've never been into any guys at school but like, I've never really known what a crush is?"

"It's like," Jinhwan purses her lips, "when you look at someone and just, want to be with them a lot. Or you think they're really pretty."

Making a face, Hanbin looks down at Jinhwan, "That's really not specific."

Jinhwan giggles, looking up at him. There's a strand of hair in her face that Hanbin pushes behind her ear without thinking, making her blush. "It's stuff like that. Wanting to be tender with someone. Seeing them and sort of, just, wanting..." She trails off, her eyes falling on Hanbin's lips. Suddenly he can't really breathe.

"Jinhwan, I-" he's cut off by Jinhwan sitting up in bed, facing away from him. "Hey, are you okay?"

Jinhwan shakes her head, "I-I'm fine I just," she lets out a shaky laugh, "I really wanna kiss you." 

Feeling heat rise to his cheeks, Hanbin tries to suppress a smile. "Why don't you do it?"

Her head whips around, almost slapping Hanbin in the face with her hair. "I-I, you just came out to me like two hours ago. I don't want you to think this is just, a sort of, I don't want you to think I wanna kiss you just because you're a boy."

"Wait, do you mean, you wanted to kiss me before too?"

Jinhwan's cheeks flush a pretty pink, and Hanbin really wants to kiss her. "W-Well yeah you're, you're cute and nice and I like your bad jokes and-"

"Hey!" Hanbin pouts, "My jokes are good."

"Good one," Jinhwan giggles, Hanbin pushing out his lower lip even further in his pout.

"Sooooo," Hanbin bites his lip, moving closer to Jinhwan after she doesn't say more, "if you won't kiss me, can I kiss you?" 

Jinhwan seems stunned, her mouth falling open slightly. "Y-You want to? Like, you wanted to before-"

" _Yes_ ," he laughs, leaning forward to brush his nose against Jinhwan's. "I want to."

Jinhwan giggles, her cheeks flushing a pretty pink. "Then do it," she says, her voice shaking with excitement as Hanbin leans closer. 

The angle is awkward. Hanbin has his legs splayed open on either side of Jinhwan as she sits sideways between them, turned towards him. He leans forward, giving Jinhwan a nervous smile before shutting his eyes, gently pressing his lips against hers.

It's sort of weird, kissing. He's never done it before, not like this. Jinhwan pulls away from it, giggling and shaking her head. "Have you ever kissed someone before?"

Hanbin can feel his ears burning. "I, um, does my mom count?"

Jinhwan lets out a loud, relieved laugh. "No, oh my god you must be nervous," she says sweetly, shifting her position to straddle Hanbin's hips.

His eyes practically bulge out of his skull. "Jinhwan, what-"

"Hush," she says, pushing down on Hanbin's shoulders until his back hits the bed. Blonde hair falls forward as she leans over him, settling her elbows on the bed above Hanbin's shoulders.

Without thinking, Hanbin reaches up to cup Jinhwan's jaw with one hand. "You're, like, so beautiful," he murmurs, almost reverently.

Blushing, Jinhwan presses her face to Hanbin's chest and giggles. "You're too cute," she replies, the words muffled but audible. Sitting back up, she takes a hair tie off her wrist, gathering her hair in a low ponytail and loosely tying it, certain short strands falling in front and framing her face.

Somehow, Hanbin's hands are on Jinhwan's hips, rubbing circles with his thumbs. "Maybe I should be on top, since I have short hair," he smiles.

"Well we're already here," Jinhwan smiles, getting back down on her elbows. Hanbin tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Can we kiss now? Or like, can you teach me how?" Hanbin is blushing, but he's not so embarrassed that he forgets his impatience.

Leaning down, Jinhwan runs her lips over Hanbin's jaw. "There's no need to rush," she hums, her voice pitched a little lower and Hanbin tenses up, his grip on her hips tightening when Jinhwan nips at his lower lip. "You have a really nice mouth," she breathes out, pressing kisses everywhere on Hanbin's face but his lips.

"What," Hanbin coughs out, "have you been looking at it a lot or something?" He's meant to sound cocky, dispel some of the tension he feels choking him. His voice is obviously shaky and more questioning than he had intended.

"Mmhmm," Jinhwan smiles, running her teeth along Hanbin's jaw and making him gasp. "I have. A lot."

"That's so weird," Hanbin whines, his head falling back.

Jinhwan giggles again, this time sounding more like she's teasing. "You're cute."

Hanbin can feel himself blush again, but before he can reply he feels Jinhwan's lips gently press against his, and it's so sweet that he hums, moving one of his hands up between her shoulder blades to bring her closer.

They lie there for a while, their lips sliding together when Jinhwan takes Hanbin's bottom lip between her teeth and pulls back. "Oh my god," Hanbin groans, his head falling back again as Jinhwan presses wet kisses to his neck. "This is, holy fucking shit Jinhwan."

Jinhwan looks up at him, a teasing glint in her eye. "Good?" She doesn't take her eyes off Hanbin as she runs her tongue over where she just kissed on Hanbin's collar. 

"So much better than good, oh my god," he whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to think of things that are not Jinhwan on top of him with pink spit slicked lips. The effort is ultimately a complete and utter failure, especially when she comes back up to kiss him again. This time her kiss is more urgent, and when she presses her tongue against the slit of his lips, Hanbin has to squeeze his thighs together, his mouth falling open on a moan when he feels how wet he is.

Having Jinhwan's tongue inside his mouth is sort of weird, but there's something erotic about it, the way a part of Jinhwan is inside Hanbin. He thinks about other parts she could put in him and he whines, loud and desperate into the kiss.

Jinhwan pulls back, pressing her face against Hanbin's chest, which is heaving. Both of them are still trying to catch their breath when Jinhwan looks up at Hanbin and breathes out, "We should stop." Hanbin lets out an involuntary groan, which Jinhwan smiles at.

"Why?" His voice is breathy and his lips are swollen, but he's decided he really likes kissing Jinhwan.

She giggles on top of him, laying her cheek against his sternum and looking up at him. "Because," she drawls, grinding down against Hanbin's stomach, making him gasp as he feels Jinhwan hard through her shorts.

" _Oh_ ," Hanbin breathes out, his eyes wide as he bites his lip. "W-Why does that mean we should stop?"

"You are so cute," she giggles, sitting back up, her ass pressing against Hanbin's lower abdomen. "But we only just kissed for the first time. We should take things slow," Jinhwan says, sounding way too put together as Hanbin is still trying to catch his breath. "And you're younger than I am."

"We're in the same grade," Hanbin replies distractedly. His eyes flit down to Jinhwan's crotch, and the distortion at the front of her shorts is obvious. Feeling another whine stuck in the back of his throat, Hanbin bites his lip to cut it off.

"It'll go down," Jinhwan assures, swinging one leg off Hanbin and rolling to the side of the bed. Looking back at him, she laughs. "You don't need to look like a kicked puppy."

"I do not look like a kicked puppy!" Hanbin replies indignantly, despite having no real idea how he looks right now.

"Uh huh," Jinhwan laughs, pulling her phone off the bedside table, opening the camera and flipping it to the front facing lens, handing it to Hanbin. "You sure about that?" 

Hanbin's eyes go wide when he sees himself on the screen. His mouth is red and swollen, shiny with spit. His cheeks are flushed a reddish pink, and his hair is all mussed up. "I look..."

"Fucking wrecked," supplies Jinhwan, her voice sounding more than a little proud. Hanbin can feel himself blush further as Jinhwan shimmies up next to him, grabbing her phone and taking a picture of the two of them as she kisses Hanbin's cheek.

"You cannot show that to anyone," Hanbin says, a little bit nervous.

Jinhwan smiles, putting her phone back on the bedside table and lightly pecking Hanbin's lips. "Okay. Keep it our moment?" She holds up her pinky finger and bites her lip, looking shy.

"Our moment," he smiles, linking his pinky with Jinhwan's before he laughs. "This is so cheesy." 

"Yep," Jinhwan smiles, popping the _p_ for emphasis. "If you want we could like, date. On the down low because you're not out and neither am I. But I like this. Us."

Hanbin smiles, laughing and kissing Jinhwan's cheek. "I like us too." Shifting his hand to intertwine his fingers with Jinhwan's, he looks down at her again. "So, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"

Jinhwan's smile is so bright it's blinding. "As long as you'll be my boyfriend."

Hanbin lets out a content sigh. Nothing has ever sounded so right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed this!! i look forward to writing more for this series (even though i'm not sure how to format it. i might just make everything else extra chapters on this at least for what i have semi-planned next)
> 
> comment and kudos and stuff if u want to give me motivation and/or validation lmao but honestly i really hope you enjoyed this and had fun reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is a lot easier than Hanbin thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for tooth rotting fluff

Hanbin doesn’t come out to anyone else. Jinhwan knows, calls him her boyfriend, but only when they’re alone together. It still hurts when his mom calls him her beautiful daughter, but now he knows why it hurts. That counts for something, and it’s enough for now.

He and Jinhwan kiss and cuddle, and it’s nice. Jinhwan telling him that he’s the cutest boy she’s ever seen is  _ wonderful _ . Everytime she says it, Hanbin practically starts purring. Of course, it isn’t one sided, and Hanbin never shuts up about how he thinks Jinhwan is the most beautiful girl in the world, but he’s lucky. He can compliment her around their friends and they think nothing of it. Watching Jinhwan hide behind her hair as she blushes is precious.

It’s the end of their junior year together when they confess their love. Hanbin is exhilarated, having passed his science class with a grade so high it’s shocked everyone, especially his teacher. Eunae is hosting a little get together, inviting only her hundred closest friends. Hanbin goes to be a supportive friend, and Jinhwan goes because she honestly loves their friend group. She fits in well with them, her bright smiles and loud laughter meshing well with theirs. Whenever Hanbin sees her laugh, he can feel himself falling deeper in love.

Once they get to the party, the two of them stick to each other like glue. Hanbin is unbelievably anxious around so many people, and Jinhwan keeps herself close to intertwine their fingers and squeeze when Hanbin starts getting too overwhelmed. Most of their friend group is in the kitchen, Euijin sitting on the counter and kicking her legs back and forth. 

They all talk, and it’s nice but they have to yell over the music. About an hour and a half into the party Dohee drags in a very drunk Yoonsun. Nahyun starts fussing over her, and Hanbin is feeling awkward again. At this point, Hanbin has had enough of the party, tugging on Jinhwan’s skirt like an impatient child. It makes her giggle, and she says goodbye for both of them as they slip out the door.

Walking back to Hanbin’s house is calm, he and Jinhwan holding hands with their fingers interlocked. “That was fun,” she says to fill the silence. Hanbin makes a half hearted noise of not-quite-agreement, which makes Jinhwan laugh. “I like being alone with you more,” she supplies, standing on her toes to peck Hanbin’s cheek. It’s one of her favorite places to kiss him, liking the way it goes pink after her lips press against it.

“I don’t like that I can’t hold hands with you around them,” Hanbin pouts, feeling Jinhwan squeeze his hand. It always comforts him, the tension leaving his shoulders as he melts for Jinhwan. He doubts he’ll ever stop melting in her hands.

“I don’t like that I have to misgender you around them, but we have to keep each other safe,” she hums as they walk up the steps to Hanbin’s front door. They go in and up the stairs, Hanbin’s family off for some family bonding who knows where. Hanbin was (luckily) exempt from it because of his exceptional grades. Jinhwan slips off her jacket and throws herself across Hanbin’s bed, turning on her back to smile up at him, her skirt riding up and showing her thighs.

Coughing, Hanbin looks away, “Your, um, skirt…”

“Oh!” Jinhwan giggles and he hears shuffling on the bed, looking back to see her skirt back at her knees. “Sorry about that,” she says, still smiling.

“It’s okay, you’re just, like, really pretty,” Hanbin says as he crawls into bed beside Jinhwan, snuggling up against her and lightly pecking her lips.

“And you’re gorgeous,” Jinhwan hums, running her fingers through Hanbin’s hair. “Are you tired?”

Shrugging with one shoulder, Hanbin replies, “A little I guess. I mean, I  _ know _ I am but it hasn’t hit me yet.” He looks down at Jinhwan, giving her a cheeky grin. “Can we kiss until it hits me?”

She lightly smacks him on the thigh and tuts, “Such a needy boyfriend I have.” Smiling, she leans up and presses her lips against his. “But we can kiss.”

“I love you,” Hanbin hums, leaning in for another kiss. It’s only when Jinhwan is late to respond to his lips that he realizes what he said. Pulling back, his eyes are wide, “Oh my  _ god _ , Jinhwan, I didn’t mean to say-”

“You do?” Her eyes are slightly wide, and she’s biting her lip. Hanbin is too nervous to try and figure out how she’s feeling.

“I-I do, yeah. Like... a lot.”

Jinhwan’s face splits into a grin, her eyes shining as she leans up to kiss Hanbin. “I love you too, you nerd.” She giggles as the kiss ends, squirming in the bed happily and letting out small giddy noises. Hanbin would make fun of her if he wasn’t feeling the same way.

“I really do love you,” Hanbin hums quietly, draping his arm over Jinhwan’s stomach, his cheek resting on the pillow as he looks at her.

She smiles, and he can see her cheeks going pink. It’s nice to be making her the one blush for once. “I really love you too,” she whispers, as if it were some big secret that they’re going to keep to each other, and it is. Leaning forward, Jinhwan nuzzles her nose against Hanbin’s, smiling the entire time. “I love you so much.”

They kiss until their lips are numb, both of them breathless and giddy. Jinhwan tells Hanbin he looks beautiful, and he blushes, kissing her more and telling her she’s more beautiful. They argue about it between kisses until they fall asleep in each other’s arms. Waking up to Jinhwan the next morning makes Hanbin feel like the luckiest boy in the world.

He tells her that as they sit together eating breakfast, and it makes her blush as she kicks him under the table. “I’m the lucky one,” she retorts, making Hanbin smile. 

“I’m glad you think so.”

“I  _ know _ so,” Jinhwan giggles, kicking his shin playfully again. “Now eat your breakfast.”

Hanbin shuts up, eating his cereal, looking up at Jinhwan lovingly every now and then. When she catches him she rolls her eyes, but pink tints her cheeks, so he sees it as a win. “I love you,” he says again, and somehow it seems more real when there’s light coming in through the windows as they sit together. Sunlight makes everything seem more real, except for Jinhwan. The light shines in her hair in such a way that Hanbin thinks she can’t possibly exist, she’s too beautiful.

“I love you too, now stop staring at me and eat your cereal,” Jinhwan laughs, standing up to lean over the table and kiss Hanbin’s nose, “cutie.”

“That’s you,” he corrects, earning himself another playful kick under the table once Jinhwan sits back down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowwwww this was cheesy but super fun to write!!! i hope you enjoyed this, and if you did then smash that mf kudos button (im kidding but like i crave validation so,,,,,,,, please)
> 
> im definitely not done with this au yet, trust me


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin gets his first binder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -fart noises-

On Hanbin's birthday, Jinhwan gives him his first binder. They’ve just started their senior year together, and Hanbin is less than motivated. Senioritis combined with being constantly misgendered after a full summer of Jinhwan  _ not _ misgendering him, it’s a struggle to even get out of bed in the morning.

Jinhwan, of course, notices. She notices before any of their friends that Hanbin is even more quiet than usual. It isn’t like they don’t talk about it, but Hanbin feels like he talks about himself constantly, and he doesn’t want to be a burden to Jinhwan. He doesn’t want her to feel like it’s her responsibility to make Hanbin happy. He can handle himself.

So, Hanbin does what he does best. He shuts himself down, switches off. He makes excuses to not hang out with anyone. Not with Euijin when she wants to play volleyball, not with Yoonsun when she says she wants to study, not even with Jinhwan when she just asks to come over. All he does is his homework and his chores. Homework, chores, sleep. Maybe cry occasionally, alone in his room with the lights off, careful to keep his sobs quiet in case his mother starts to worry.

On his birthday, he keeps his head down, declining offers from his mom to go out for dinner, citing a headache. He retreats to his room, scrolling through texts on his phone. Several from Jinhwan, worried. Typing out a response, he deletes and retypes it at least twenty times. He wonders if an emoji would make her stop worrying. Knowing Jinhwan’s intuition and Hanbin’s lack of regular emoji use, it would only worry her more.

His finger is hovering over the send button of a simple text reading ‘i’m fine’ when he hears the doorbell ring. Scrunching up his face, he throws his phone on the bed, poking his head out of the room to yell down the stairs, asking his mom who’s at the door.

“It’s Jinhwan,” she shouts back, sounding absolutely ecstatic to have someone over after Hanbin’s hermit tendencies of the last month.

Sighing, Hanbin pads down the stairs, his socks making his footsteps soft. He’s just in a tank top and gym shorts, not dressed for going out or being around anyone besides his stuffed animals. As he gets towards the bottom of the steps, he can see Jinhwan. She looks fucking radiant. Makeup all done and hair in a side ponytail braid. Her flowing blouse and white skirt make her look like an actual angel, and Hanbin suddenly feels the need to hide behind a window curtain. After all, the curtains have fewer holes than his tank top.

Jinhwan turns towards him, and she fucking  _ lights up _ . Biting his lip, Hanbin goes all the way down the stairs, looking at her, noticing the bag she has in her hand. “You didn’t have t-”

“You hush,” she pouts playfully, obviously being nice in front of Hanbin’s mom. Turning to her, Jinhwan smiles. “Are you alright if I go upstairs with Hanbin? I haven’t been up there in a while.”

His mom shoos them up the stairs, and as they make their way up to Hanbin’s room, he’s totally silent. Jinhwan is too, the only noise the steps creaking and the tissue paper in the gift bag crinkling. As soon as they get into Hanbin’s room and he shuts the door behind them, Jinhwan punches his arm.

“Ow,” he whines, “what was tha-”

He’s cut off by Jinhwan grabbing his face, bringing him down to kiss him. It’s rough and an awkward angle, but Hanbin fucking melts into it. Hunching his back to get closer, he wraps his arms around Jinhwan’s waist to pull her closer.

She breaks away from the kiss, hugging him tight and snuggling against his chest. “I missed you,” she mutters, and he can hear the pout in her voice. “Dumbass,” she grumbles, hitting his arm again, lightly with an open palm this time. Pulling back, Jinhwan looks up at him, her face stern. “Why haven’t you been talking? To anyone? About anything?” While her voice is strict, it’s tinged with serious concern.

“‘M sorry,” Hanbin mumbles, leaning down to rest his chin on her shoulder. “Didn’t wanna bother you.” He doesn’t say anything else, not wanting to burden her. He’s an emotional person, always has been, probably always will be, but he’s so fucking  _ scared _ to let people see that. Especially with Jinhwan, he wants to be perfect for her.

“Sweetheart,” she hums, running fingers through Hanbin’s hair, fuzzy around his ears since he’s neglected getting it cut, “you don’t bother me.” 

Hearing that, Hanbin crumbles. His knees go weak as he squeezes Jinhwan tighter against him. “I’m sorry,” he breathes out, voice shaky. “I, I missed you too.”

Jinhwan sighs, holding him there silently. It’s something Hanbin has missed. The simplicity of being around Jinhwan, just because she knows him, and she understands him. After a long comfortable silence, Jinhwan pulls back to look him in the eye. “Sit on the bed so I can give you your present, okay?”

Doing as he’s told, Hanbin still protests. “You really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know I didn’t,” she rolls her eyes. “But you’re my boyfriend and I love you and I wanted to get you something nice.” Hanbin’s chest seizes, having not heard her say it out loud for weeks because of his avoidance. Jinhwan sits down next to him, putting the bag on his lap. “Now open it.”

Digging into the bag, Hanbin throws the tissue paper to the side, his face sort of scrunching up as he takes out the gift. “You got me… a skin tone sports bra?” He doesn’t mean to sound ungrateful, but he’s confused, looking to Jinhwan for an answer.

Laughing, Jinhwan smiles, “God you’re too cute,” she says, leaning in to peck his cheek. “It’s not a sports bra. It’s a binder. It flattens your chest. A lot of trans men use them if they can’t get or don’t want top surgery. I kept the receipt if you don’t like it, or if it doesn’t fit. I had to eyeball your size.”

“A binder?” Hanbin looks at the fabric in his hands, stretchy and sort of like a half tank top. “So I just, put it on and it makes my chest flat?”

“Well, how flat you get varies depending on boob size but, that’s the idea,” Jinhwan says, sounding nervous. “Do you wanna try it on?”

Blushing, Hanbin nods, skeptical but excited to try it on. “I have to, take off my shirt.” Jinhwan nods, not looking away. “Can you, like, turn around?”

“Oh!” Jinhwan giggles. “Of course, sorry.” She turns to the side, covering her eyes as Hanbin stands up.

Taking off his tank top, Hanbin blushes as he looks down at his chest. He’s never really enjoyed having breasts. They never felt right, and even bras were annoying. He goes braless whenever he can get away with it, especially at home. Looking at the binder, he makes sure to put it right side forward, and he slips it on over his head. It’s strange, the feeling of it. Somewhat tight but becoming more comfortable by the second.

His eyes are closed. Opening them, he looks at himself in the mirror, turning to the side. His chest is flatter than it’s been since he hit puberty. Hanbin can feel himself standing up straighter, more confident. He’s so lost in the moment, he forgets Jinhwan is there until she clears her throat.

“Y-You can open your eyes.” He says it as he turns towards Jinhwan. Hanbin can feel his whole body shaking.

“Do you like it?” Jinhwan sounds hopeful.

“I,” Hanbin takes a deep breath, crossing his arms together over his chest, “I love it Jinhwan.” He looks up at her again, biting his lip as he sees her smile wide.

“You look so beautiful,” she says, standing up to take both of Hanbins’ hands in hers.

“I feel like, like I’m me,” Hanbin breathes out, laughing weakly. “Is that super weird?”

“No,” Jinhwan breathes out, smiling so wide Hanbin thinks her face may split in half. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy I,” she takes a deep shaky breath, tilting her head back to keep from crying. “I want you to be happy Hanbin.” She says it, looking back at him, cupping his cheek and running her thumb along his cheekbone. “I want you to talk to me when you feel bad, okay?”

Hanbin nods, leaning into her touch, holding her palm against him and humming, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, you big baby,” Jinhwan laughs, lightly wiping at her eyes, trying to preserve her eye makeup. “So,” she says, clapping her hands together and walking around Hanbin. “It’s good? Fits alright? Not too tight or too loose?”

“It’s perfect,” Hanbin smiles, pulling Jinhwan towards him and kissing her. “And you’re perfect.”

Blushing, Jinhwan rolls her eyes before going in for another kiss. “Happy Birthday Hanbin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted 2 post something n this is short but i hope u enjoyed this!!! reading this made me sad i havent worn my binder in a while bc summer is a bitch for binders
> 
> also istg i love this series so much n im sorry i dont update it often but whenever inspiration hits me i write for it!!!! i love you all!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good thing about everyone thinking they’re both straight girls? Hanbin can introduce Jinhwan as “my girlfriend” and nobody blinks. Except Jinhwan. She blinks a lot, then tries to hide her blush. It’s fucking adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -blows raspberries-

Holidays are a bitch. This is not news. However, now that Hanbin knows he’s trans and actually has to consciously deal with the psychological effects of being misgendered by those closest to him, it’s about fifty times fucking worse.

The one saving grace of the holiday season is that he finally has a plus one to bring to family parties. He can tell aunts and grandmothers are somewhat disappointed the plus one is not a boyfriend. It’s Jinhwan. Good thing about everyone thinking they’re both straight girls? Hanbin can introduce Jinhwan as “my girlfriend” and nobody blinks. Except Jinhwan. She blinks a lot, then tries to hide her blush. It’s fucking adorable.

Hanbin gets to show his girlfriend all the rooms he used to hide away from his family members in during family holiday gatherings when he was a kid. Now, he has a companion to hide with. They spend a fair amount of time making out in the closet, giggling nervously as they make their way back down stairs with red lips and flushed cheeks.

Jinhwan looks fabulous, as per usual. She has her hair in a side braid, so it doesn’t look too conspicuous when it’s a bit messy after she and her boyfriend spend time in the closet (literally and metaphorically). Somehow she manages to look extra angelic in a fluffy white dress, and Hanbin is really super in love.

He’s wearing a white button down tucked into a pencil skirt. As far as clothes go, he doesn’t hate skirts, especially with how Jinhwan stares at his legs, but he would rather be wearing pants. Oversized flannel and leggings are too informal though, so he’s stuck with this.

The pencil skirt isn’t the best thing for when he and Jinhwan are dubbed the kids old enough to hide the eggs, but not old enough to sit inside with the adults and drink and talk about whatever it is adult relatives talk about during family gatherings. Luckily, the only other cousin Hanbin’s age is off on a visit to a potential college, so he and Jinhwan are alone outside hiding the eggs.

At one point Jinhwan tries to reach up and place an egg in a tree branch, and Hanbin just looks at her, so utterly and stupidly in love with this girl. He then hoists her up by the waist so she can reach. She giggles when put back down, and leans up to kiss Hanbin.

The small peck turns into something quite a bit more passionate, Jinhwan leaning back against the tree and pulling Hanbin closer to her. That lasts until someone inside shouts, asking if “you girls” are done hiding the eggs. Hanbin pulls away scowling, and Jinhwan pulls him down to give him another peck.

“My perfect boyfriend,” she murmurs, kissing him again, and Hanbin groans, entirely infatuated and fully in love, pinning Jinhwan against the tree gently and kissing her again. She pushes him back, giggling. “We gotta stop, they’ll get suspicious and I’ll start tenting my dress.”

“I thought you tucked when you wore dresses,” he murmurs it against her skin, still trailing kisses over her jaw.

“This one is flowy enough I don’t have to,” Jinhwan sighs happily, running fingers through Hanbin’s hair. His undercut has grown out so it’s soft and fuzzy where she runs her finger over it, the rest of his hair smooth and clean. “Did you use my conditioner again?”

He laughs against Jinhwan’s neck. “Yeah, it smells like you and it makes my hair all shiny.” Resting his face in the crook of her neck, Hanbin grins. “You’ve been using my body wash.”

Leaning her head back against the tree, Jinhwan smiles. “It smells like you.”

“Not even bothering with another excuse, huh?” Hanbin can’t help but smile, leaning up to kiss his girlfriend again. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too baby,” Jinhwan grins, returning the kiss before pulling away. “Now we should get back in, or people will come looking for us.

“Fine,” Hanbin groans, pouting like a baby, making Jinhwan lean up to kiss his scrunched up nose.

-

Easter lunch is nice enough, mostly because Hanbin and Jinhwan sit next to each other and hold hands under the table, in their own little world. One of Hanbin’s aunts gives them side eye, asking how long they’ve been _friends_. The emphasis on the word seems to be lost to everyone but Hanbin and Jinhwan.

Jinhwan talks about how Hanbin was a really good friend after her transfer, and that they just sort of stuck together. Hanbin’s mom chimes in, saying that Jinhwan brings out the best in Hanbin, making him blush and squeeze her hand under the table.

Hanbin’s aunt bristles a bit, forcing a smile and doesn’t say anything more about it. As soon as Hanbin’s mom even has the idea of leaving, Hanbin gets them gone, sitting with Jinhwan in the back seat as they drive her home. Hanbin makes an excuse about having left some clothes there, saying that it would be best if he just spends the night.

Jinhwan’s parents are gone for the weekend, but they don’t tell Hanbin’s mom that.

-

As soon as they’re inside, Hanbin immediately unzips his skirt, walking up the stairs to Jinhwan’s room. He has on briefs, so he doesn’t feel too shy until Jinhwan pinches his butt on the way up. As soon as they get to her room, they shut the door and flop down on the bed, both of them wriggling around to get off the bits of their clothes that are uncomfortable. Jinhwan undoes her bra and pulls it through a sleeve hole, throwing it off. Hanbin unbuttons his shirt, throwing it to the side and taking his bra off, leaving him in the white tank he had worn under the shirt.

As soon as Hanbin is comfortable, Jinhwan makes herself comfy, snuggling up against her boyfriend and hooking her leg over his hip, leaning up to kiss him. “I love you,” she says, grinning and kissing him again.

“I love you too,” Hanbin says back instantly, running his fingers through Jinhwan’s hair, still stiff from the hairspray she put in it this morning, but soft and smelling of her conditioner. The hair tie from her braid is around her wrist from where she took it out in the car on the way back.

“You’re staring at me again,” Jinhwan teases, kissing Hanbin again.

“Sorry,” he laughs nervously, his cheeks going pink. “You’re really beautiful.”

“God you’re so cute,” Jinhwan giggles again, kissing Hanbin all over. “I love you so much.”

He’s never going to get tired of hearing her say that. “I love you so much too.” It feels like the most natural call and response in the world. The two of them lie there, kissing until they get sleepy, napping with their arms wrapped around each other.

Maybe holidays aren’t the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact this was actually gunna be christmas fic but i cant keep a schedule for the life of me
> 
> comment kudos and all that jazz if u liked it! thank u for reading!!!!


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